Glossary of financial terms :D

Another attempt as glossary to financial terms, on a lighter note!!!

Alimony: The evil curse that chases you even after divorce.

Amortization: Convincing yourself that your expense will be adjusted over a period of time.

Balance sheet: At the end of which you realise that your company's balance is at stake.

Basis Point: Another MBA way to exaggerate decimal points and freakout people.

Bear market: Something that follows always after your huge investments.

Big Mac index: Index that mocks all other stock market indices.

Bull market: Something that follows always after you sold off your investments. 

Buy and hold: A strategy adopted when you don know what to do with your money.

Dividend: A sum of money, determined by a company's directors, paid to shareholders to keep their mouth shut!

EBIT: Earnings before irregularities and tampering. (ref: David Bond)
EBITDA: Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor. (ref: David Bond) 

EPS : You realize that "Entire portfolio sucks!!"

Financial planner: An investment professional who helps with financial plans to take over all your money in the long term.

Junk bond: Bonds that are actually, junk!!! 

Limit order: An order to buy stock followed by bull market.

Market order: An order to buy stock followed by bear market.

Price to book ratio: Something that shows the real picture of all virtual money.

Real rate of return: Loss rate after rate of return is adjusted for inflation.

Risk: Whose value is zero only after death.

Security analyst: Born to screw yourportfolio.

Stock split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.(ref:David Bond)

Yield to maturity: Something which gets more importance than you from your wife.